I promise I haven’t lost my mind.
Before Katy died I didn’t know what to believe… now I HAVE to believe that I will someday be reunited with my daughter. It’s the only thing that gets me through these long days.
Going through life with a piece of your heart missing HURTS. So you search for any little thing to make the pain hurt a little less. For me I NEED to know that Katy is OK that Katy is free from any pain, that she is not severely dehydrated ( her last words ever spoken to me…) Yes, my 6 year old told me she was severely dehydrated when I asked her if she was thirsty. She went into cardiac arrest 3 minutes later. I beg for signs… I pray… I scream… I make deals to whom, I don’t know.
But, sometimes my prayers are answered
Since Katy’s death I have opened my mind and my heart to see more of the signs around me I often refer to these as God Winks. They can be hearts found in strange places, the song Happy at just the right time, or something small that reminds me of Katy and makes me stop and say thanks.
Then there are the Burning Bush Moments the moments that STOP me in my tracks bring me to my knees and are to obvious to ignore. Katy went to heaven almost 3 years ago and up until yesterday I have only had one other moment like this. ( Some of you may remember my blue jay story) Yesterday I was blessed with a Burning Bush moment and I needed it more than I realized.
I was busy working on KMMF race work. I had a lot of errands to run and although I usually feel gratified when working on Katy’s foundation I was feeling a bit melancholy. I went to pick up a large photo of Katy and the woman commented on what a beautiful little girl she was and I just started crying in the middle of the store… I went to pick up a sponsorship of someone that had the honor of meeting Katy and had a story to share and again the tears just fell from my eyes. It was while talking to this woman she reminded me that Katy is always near and I just need to ask God for a sign to let me know all is well. I left there thinking about Katy and how I yearned for a Burning Bush moment.
On my way to work last night I spoke to God and Katy I begged for a sign… I told them how tired I was, how worried about Mike I was. How I needed to know that Katy was OK and that I was doing what I am supposed to be doing. That this is for something and to keep going. I said that I was really tired so I needed it to be VERY obvious. I needed more than a God Wink.
When I got to work the second customer that came in was wearing this shirt… and I nearly hit the ground.
If that is not a Burning Bush I don’t know what is.