This weekend our family experienced a truly magical weekend. Together with two of our KMMF board members, Bethany and Liz we ventured back to the hospital that we love so much. To drop off 920 TOYS in honor of Katy’s 9th birthday this month on December 20th.
The toys we have collected for the last two months were piled high into a rented u Haul (my mini van couldn’t house them all this year). These toys that were so lovingly picked out by all of YOU to be brought to Boston Children’s Hospital in honor of our little girl were escorted by the Arlington and Chelmsford Police with Patrick manning the sirens.
I have been painstakingly working on my relationship with Katy and what parenting her now looks like. This weekend it was clear that this is how I do that. I’m parenting Katy when I work on her foundation, I’m parenting Katy when I share her story, I’m parenting Katy every moment of everyday just as I do Patrick and Riley. I’m still her mama and she is is still very much my daughter.
For the first time in two and a half years I feel a bit of peace, a bit of happiness, a bit of excitement. Is this the way I envisioned I would get to be Katy’s mama? Absolutely not! But, this is all I have. This is my only option. So I can choose to parent her by sharing her love and light and spreading her kindness. There are no other options. This is all I get. This is HOW I get to be her mom. This is how I get to care for Katy and show my love for her.
I still don’t know the why, and I doubt I ever will. I still don’t expect that this will ever be enough… I want so very badly to be driving her to ballet and soccer and painting her nails, and watching her interact with her brother and sister, most of all holding her and cuddling her and watching her grow up. But, I am learning to not question if every second of everyday, and to just be in the moment. When I allow myself to just be in the moment I feel peace, happiness, and love.
Thanks to all who donated. I can’t tell you what it means to us to be able to give back to the hospital that did so much for our daughter. We couldn’t have done it without you.