Thankful

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Yesterday was Patrick’s Thanksgiving assembly. I never know what emotions these school events will ignite.  I went to this event with my game face on…Patrick’s wonderful and kind teacher gave me a heads up at our parent teacher conference that Patrick’s thankful slide was about Katy.

Her forewarning although much appreciated couldn’t keep the tears from rolling down my face.  As, I listened  to his friends be thankful for their dogs, hover boards, Christmas, cousins and friends. I heard my sweet little boy’s voice.  Loud and strong “I’m thankful for my sister, Katy! She was very nice.”  

The word was made me cringe… and made my face turn red…it made me want to grab what was left of my family and run. It was the most heartbreaking sentence I have ever heard my little boy speak.

But, I didn’t run… I squeezed my husband’s leg (3 times) and smiled.  Smiled because Patrick is absolutely right.  We are thankful that Katy chose us to be her mom and dad.  That we were blessed with 6.5 wonderful years with our beautiful, daughter, sister, granddaughter, niece, cousin, friend, tiny dancer, soccer star, Cardiac anomaly ROCKSTAR and all around beautiful soul.  Katy was an angel here on earth, and we were blessed to get to spend all of her days here with her.  That was a gift.  A HUGE gift. A gift we never took for granted and a gift that keeps on giving.  Katy has opened and reshaped my heart and the hearts of so many others.

To my little thoughtful man thank you for reminding me I have so much to be thankful for.  Most especially for the kind and compassionate young man you are. I’m thankful for the love you have for both of your sisters.  I ‘m thankful you are not afraid to share your sisters story.  I know Riley will know her big sister because of you.  I love you my little man to the moon and back and infinity and beyond.  I’m thankful for you Patrick Michael.

 

Hello.

“Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.”  

-Brene Brown

I have longed for a space to write. My old blog just didn’t feel like the right space…as much as I wanted to go back to that space for the sake of continuity. I tried to use Facebook as an outlet and if just doesn’t seem like the appropriate venue for the content I am looking to deliver.  What will the content be?  I don’t know… I do know that I have a desire to write I know that many times over the past 2 years I have yearned for this dedicated space. So here it is. I make no promises on how often I will use this space.

Honestly, You haven’t missed too to much… other than that baby I was pregnant with when Katy went to Heaven is now TWO! and I am just starting to take the time to do the work that is needed to focus on my grief. I have navigated the last two years pretty much numb since Katy died. It was all about survival. I recently had the oppurtunity to attend a retreat for grieving mothers and it was life changing for me.  It was eye opening and so validating… the good news is I am not CRAZY! Everything I am feeling is normal… even the things I thought made me completly nuts 29 other women feel the exact same way.  That retreat is what really promted me to start this blog… I need this space to reflect on all I learned.

I plan to use this space to share my journey through grief, grace and grattitude. I hope to share my heart and and heartache.  I’ll share my family and the adventures of Patrick and Riley! I will share the ups and downs of marriage after tremendous loss and choosing love. I will share the happenings of our newly established Katy M. Murphy Foundation and all that we are doing in Katy’s name.

Thanks for stopping in to see what this new space is all about.  Thanks for following along all these years.  Your words, your prayers, your kindness have carried us through our darkest days.

XO

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